Gone But Not Forgotten: Gary Turner

"Farewell, somebody's gonna miss you."

- Rihanna

On October 20th, 2006 I got a phone call that no coach or parent or loved one ever wants to get. One of my former players, Gary "Bear" Turner was killed in a terrible car wreck. Within about 15 minutes of that phone call, there was a knock at my door. I opened the door, and several of Bear's teammates were standing on my front porch. Not a word was spoken, literally not one word. We just all embraced in one big bear hug and cried together.

I have to start this story right there so the rest of it will make sense. Tomorrow isn't promised to anybody. Jean Paul Richter, a German author from the 18th century, said, "Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life."

This is a story about an unexpected goodbye, a story I haven't told to very many people.

Bear was a seventh grader when I arrived as a first year teacher/coach at Bell City High School. Our seventh grade only had seven players, so we needed every able body! Bear was our sixth man, and he was a pretty good player. There was just one problem with him being on the team...

(that's Bear, right beside me)

Bear needed a ride home from practice. His parents were divorced, and his mom had to work. Bear lived 15 minutes outside of town (in the opposite direction of my house – adding 30 minutes to my ride home LOL). I never wanted a kid to NOT play basketball because he didn't have a ride home or a pair of shoes or something silly. So I took him home, and those 15 minute car rides added up to hours and hours of conversations. Bear and I got really close.

Fast forward a couple of years, and Bear was a junior. His mom was really sick. Bear had actually moved to Holcomb for a while to live with his dad while she got better. Now he was back at Bell City, but his mom was getting worse. So Bear actually moved in with my dad (who lived in Bell City) for a little while, because he was really good friends with my youngest brother Toby (two years younger than Bear).

At the end of Bear’s junior year, I left Bell City to go home and coach at my alma mater, Scott County Central. Our teams at Bell City had just been to the Final Four in three of the last four years and won two state championships. Me leaving Bell City made the whole town mad at me. In particular, that group of juniors, who were seventh graders when I got hired, were really mad at me for not staying to coach them for their senior year. After all, I was the only coach they'd ever had in grades 7-12. I don’t blame them for being upset with me.

(That's Bear, #13, right beside me)

So in the fallout of all that, I got accused of recruiting some players to follow me from Bell City to Scott Central. I’m not going to dwell on that, but I have to bring it up because Bear is part of that story. Bear was one of the kids that MSHSAA said I was trying to recruit.

Why? Because when I left Bell City, my dad moved from Bell City to Morley (Scott County Central School District). When my dad moved, Bear didn’t have anywhere to go. His mom was really sick, so he ended up living with my dad for part of that summer.

Bear went back to Bell City before school started. I tried to explain to those nice investigators from MSHSAA that his mom was really, really sick. They didn’t believe me. They said that even letting Bear stay with my dad was “undue influence,” and they suspended me from coaching basketball for a semester. I tried to explain that his mom was really, really sick. He didn't transfer. He was still playing for Bell City, not Scott Central. They still didn’t believe me. Why? Because Bear had written a note that said I tried to talk him into moving.

I told you, those guys were really mad at me for not staying to coach them for their senior year.

Fast forward a few months. The doctors had to amputate Bear’s mother’s leg. She was getting worse and worse. I told you she was really, really sick. Not long after the amputation, she passed away. When I heard the news, even though I was mad at Bear for lying, and hadn’t spoken to him in months, I texted him. I told him I was sorry to hear about his mom. I also told him that if he needed ANYTHING AT ALL, that he could call me. Bear texted back and thanked me.

Fast Forward. It was August 12th, 2006. Sometime early that afternoon, I got a phone call from Bear. I remember the date exactly because it was my birthday. Bear was with Jeff Liggins, another player from that same original 7th grade class at Bell City, the class of 2006. They had just graduated in May, and Bear said they were driving to my house to come and visit me. I told him that I had just left the house. I wasn’t home. I was going to the movies for my birthday.

Bear told me that he wanted to come by and tell me face to face that he was sorry. I’ll never forget him saying that “sorry wasn’t enough” for what he'd done, and that he would tell everybody that he lied in that letter to MSHSAA. I told Bear that I forgave him. Bear told me Happy Birthday, and that he’d come back and see me some other time.

Before he hung up, he said “I love you, Coach.” It was the last time I ever talked to him.

Here is the moral of the story and your challenge for this week... part of "winning today" is letting go of yesterday. You can't hold onto grudges. Carrying that around is a weight that is just weighing you down. It's not hurting the person you're mad at. It's like the old saying, "Carrying around anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." You're not hurting anybody but yourself.

In my story, those guys, the seniors at Bell City, they were mad at me. At a certain point, I was really mad at them also. Those guys and I, we were just really close. When I left, they took it personal. There were hurt feelings on both sides.

It took one life altering event (Bear's mother's death) and a second tragedy (Bear's fatal car wreck) for us to reconcile. In the process, we all wasted an entire year being mad at each other. What good did it do? None at all. It was a waste of time and energy. In the end, it was Bear who picked the phone up and said he was sorry. He did the right thing.

Like the quote said at the beginning, "you may not meet in this life again." When Bear called me and told me he loved me, those were the last words we ever said to each other. I'm so glad we had that conversation. Bear was very important to me. We spent a lot of time together. I would have always regretted it if he and I never got a chance to make things right.

As you're reading this, I know you're thinking about somebody. Who do you need to call? What person in your life do you need to make things right with? Because I'm telling you, I've been there. When I had my terrible car wreck, and I was laying there thinking I was dying, I was praying to God that I got one more chance to talk to the people I love.

I shed a few tears writing this story. It took longer to finish than anything else on JWT. Before I wrote it I asked Bear's sister Amber (she and I have stayed in touch through the years) if it was okay that I wrote about him. She said "Absolutely. He thought of you as family." I felt the same way about him. I loved Gary Turner, and I still miss him.

Pick up that phone. Say what you need to say. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us. Today is the only promise you have. Make it count. Make it a win.

#JWT #RIPBear #WeStillMissYou