The Truth About Respect

"If you respect me, then I'll respect you."

How many times have you heard somebody say that? Being a teacher/coach most of my adult life, I bet I've heard that thousands of times. Every time I hear somebody say that, I tell them that's the worst lie that somebody ever told you.

Think about it. That doesn't even make sense, even if you just look at it on a very basic level. So you're not going to respect me unless I respect you? Well if you don't respect me, by your own logic, I'm not going to respect you. It's a circular argument.

"Respect me... no you respect me first... no YOU respect me first... NOT UNTIL YOU RESPECT ME!"

Do you hear how stupid that sounds? Digging a little deeper, do you even know what respect means? The very definition of respect is to admire someone deeply because of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. So let's try that example again.

I'm not going to deeply admire you unless you deeply admire me. Again, that just sounds stupid. So when you say "show me respect and I'll show you respect," it makes no sense at all. I think we're confusing the word "respect" with other words like "polite" or "courteous" or "nice."

If somebody is mean to you, I guess it's okay to be mean back. You can do that. So please don't confuse the message here as being "let people walk all over you." I'm not saying that at all.

Here is the advice I give to young people when I hear them say that. "The only people you can really disrespect are the people that look up to you and YOURSELF." Think about that for a minute. It's so true.

If some pro athlete or musician or famous person gets arrested today for possession of drugs, did he disrespect me? Not at all. I don't care. I don't know that person. However, that person did disrespect the people that really care about them. He let those people down. He let himself down. He disrespected himself.

That's how respect works. It's the way you carry yourself, those "abilities or qualities" you have that make you who you are. If you stay true to those "abilities or qualities" then you are respecting yourself, and in turn, people will probably respect you. They will think highly of you and "admire" you.

So take a little advice today. Get out of that type of thinking that really is just encouraging bad behavior where you think somebody owes you respect in the first place. All we owe each other is kindness and common courtesy. Respect is earned, and it's really about how you carry yourself.

So respect yourself. If you do, then you'll be amazed how people start to treat you.

#JWT